


i wait for the water and the winds to grace my skin

by ilusim



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Don't Like Don't Read, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Polyamory, hinted mentions of rape and physical abuse, however it is not the point of the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:01:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27209308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilusim/pseuds/ilusim
Summary: he wants to drop into the dark waters with sap, run from the unruly winds with george.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 388
Collections: Download fics





	i wait for the water and the winds to grace my skin

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER:  
> none of the rape/non-con is intended to be written romantically. this is _not_ an accurate representation of any of their families or themselves. their families are most definitely lovely people. this is a vent. this is also not a accurate representation of their sexualities or preferences.

he has an absolute shit life. he’d never known or considered before that his life’s any less than the norm, the occasional bad day. 

his parents fight in front of his younger sister. he’s jumped in front of a thrown glass bottle that was aimed for his brother. his dad does weird stuff to him. his mother slaps his older sister in rapid succession. he always has to massage her bruises, ignore the ache between his legs. 

he’s failing his classes. he doesn’t care much for arithmetic. he just wants to send his siblings far away, maybe to a foster home. not with himself. he has to stay, to keep his parents in check. 

(maybe he doesn’t quite care what happens to his body.)

he scribbles random doodles onto the chemistry test paper, pushes graphite over white paper. he hands up the paper filled with drawings, devoid of answers. there’s no point.

maybe sometimes he wants to hide away for a day. escape his responsibilities. he hates how he dreads going back after school. 

he’s sixteen, but he feels so much older.

\--

he doesn’t have many friends. there’s bad, but he’s a senior he rarely sees. there’s alyssa, but they both prefer to keep to themselves. karl hangs out with the popular kids, even if he’s not nearly half as mean as they are. 

he tends to his injuries by himself. he steals bandages from the general office. he doesn’t have money to buy some.

\--

he meets sapnap by the beach, near the school compounds. he walks there in the evening. he wants to delay his route home. 

“you’re from that school,” the shorter boy who traces circles into the rusted metal of the railings says to the air. he sports an odd bandana, the ends dancing in the wind.

dream doesn’t reply. he doesn’t want to.

so they don’t. the only movement is the strands of auburn hair moving gently in the wind as the other boy leans on the railings on his elbows, overlooking the distance towards the setting sun, and the gentle rise and fall of his chest, where beats his trapped and restrained heart. 

_bad-badum_ , it goes, unaware of the chains that squeeze it, a dead lock trapping the chains together, the key thrown as far as the eye can see.

\--

dream comes back to the beach, again and again, evening after evening. that boy is always there, and he says nothing when dream cries, links a pinkie with his. he doesn’t push him away. 

sometime later he tells him that his name is sapnap. he makes fun of it. ‘dream’ isn’t much better, and the boy (sapnap) makes that fact known, scoffs at the pot calling the kettle black. 

“who even names their child sapnap?” dream wheezes. the (now he knows) younger boy looks down, his eyelashes fluttering, a pretty pink blush spreading across cheeks, pushing dream’s face away with a small palm. “mine.”

it is cute, but dream pulls his faltering heart down along with the childlike hope. 

he still can’t help the stirring of his heart in his chest whenever sapnap initiates eye-to-eye contact, when they have skin-to-skin contact. sometimes sap drags him to wade into the water of the sea, pick seashells along the beach. 

he likes it, despite how his mother yells about the sand in his shoes, pulls on his wrists until it bruises. 

he still keeps going back, because sap’s blazing smile makes it worth the accumulating bruises that litter the expanse of his wrists. 

\--

they have their fair share of arguments, too, as expected from two people driven by passion. 

it’s when they argue about more philosophical, like the most important thing in the world. 

“love, obviously,” dream laments, “it literally drives every person. love for a subject? they work towards it. love for a significant other? they work to protect it. love for themselves? they work to take good care of themselves.”

 _“no,_ ” sap interjects, “there is no such thing as ’love’. either you get along or you don’t. literally. or there would be soulmates and such. but there isn’t. it’s got to be strength.”

once, during such a heated argument, sap spots the bruises that peek out from below the sleeve of his green sweater. 

“what’s this?” the younger demands angrily, and dream yells back. they argue for hours, until it’s dark out and dream hears sapnap heave with unshed tears, choked breaths. 

_i’m sorry,_ he wants to say, but he doesn’t speak it out. because the chains stop him, an excuse he’ll use no matter how cowardly his internal perception of himself is. 

he wonders how deep the ocean is in front of him. maybe it’s enough to drown him.

\--

he’s messed up inside. he doesn’t want it to rub off his siblings. he sneaks his younger sister and brother off to a distant aunt’s place with his older sister’s help, and he endures the wrath that befalls him afterwards, which reduces him to a sobbing mess on the ground when his father leaves him. everything hurts. he wants to run away, but the mere thought of sap keeps him around the hellhole. he’s afraid he’ll never find the younger once he runs. it’s the fear that keeps him stubbornly anchored to his abusive homeground. 

(maybe a tiny part of him thinks he deserves it)

when he goes to the beach in the evening, sap isn’t there.

it’s almost enough strength for him to stumble towards the never-ending expanse of the ocean, almost enough to shrug off his clothing, push off into the ocean with no anchor to the sand beyond the line of the sea. but he doesn’t. because he’s a coward.

\--

he meets george at the convenience store in the most unholy hours of the morning. 

he walks to the counter, pushes an empty container over the counter. the cashier is a shorter boy, and he almost feels sorry for absolutely towering over him. (he has a lot of ‘almosts’) 

the other boy picks the container up. dream sees how absolutely wrecked with sleep the boy is, the way he misses the barcode scanner three times in a row. he’s the opposite, really, his sleep schedule absolutely messed up. he pities him. the tag on his uniform reads in typewriter font the name ‘george’. he thinks his frame fits him, from the small part of the boy’s surface personality he can see and judge; george doesn’t meet his eyes when he thrusts a plastic bag into his hands, words uttered quietly through barely parted lips. his fingers brush his palm purely on accident.

dream finds himself giving a soft goodbye to the other as he slips through the automatic sliding glass doors. when he steps back into the pulling darkness, his heart falters as he already misses the light. 

_(it’s not the boy_ , he thinks. he’s got his heart broken by the same type before. he shouldn’t fall for the same boys trice.)

he rubs his wrists and tugs at his torn jeans in the faint glow of the streetlights. 

\--

he and george see each other sometimes, in the convenience store, bond slightly. dream realises that george shies from any minute form of affection. george is roughly two and a half years older than he is. george is really, really, smart. he majors in computer science. surprisingly he plays the electric guitar. 

his family is struggling hard financially. george tells him that he might have to drop college. he works two jobs a day, seven days a week. dream spots the stiffness in his shoulders, the stifled yawns. he massages him just to help him relax a little.

he brings him to the beach, in the evening. sapnap frowns at george. george glares at sapnap. dream thinks it may have been a mistake.

it wasn’t, and the sky was dark with no moon in sight as george shoves sap and the younger fights back, playful banter in their voices as he lounges around the railings. he doesn’t want to go home. he does eventually, and sap waves them both goodbye. he doesn’t ask the question on his lips.

\--

he looks in the mirror, touch the finger marks that bruise the skin on his throat. he shudders as the tips glance the surface. 

his hair is swept messily. he can’t bring himself to fix it. 

he blinks at himself at the mirror. he hates how wrecked he looks, the eyebags heavy, his freckles even more prominent against his pale skin. his light eyes are clouded, a closed window. he tries to hum and it hurts. 

home hasn’t been home for a long time now. the beach seems so much more like a safe haven, the sand grains slinking between the in betweens of his slender feet, the water cool cupped in his palms, the wind in his hair. and the people. sap, who’s mysterious and evasive when at the same time loud and chaotic, and george, shy and cynical. 

no matter how much he wants to know more about the two, he’s satisfied for now, dangling feet over sand next to a fast-asleep george who lies peacefully against his shoulder, and sap, who tilts his head against the wooden boards, lacing fingers with his. it’s all he has. (george makes his heart skip, sap sets his skin on fire when he curls against him, his breathing soft on his collarbone) 

he wants too much, things he can’t have. he’ll take what he can, give everything he has. maybe he doesn’t deserve having the other two. but he still wants them to the point that he shakes and almost breaks down once. 

he hurts, but they fix him in their wakes. he’s a desperate mess for them, afraid they’ll leave for someone else so much better than he is. he dreads the day when it eventually comes. 

until then he’ll dive into the depths of the ocean, run with the wind. (drown)

it’s okay.

\--

he turns seventeen. he’s drained of any joy for the day, the opposite of a child. he feels old. 

“happy birthday,” george tells him, not meeting his eyes. “you’re like, two years younger than me now.” 

“eh.” dream looks towards the sunset. “i don’t really care. not anymore.”

there’s a tap on his shoulder, and sap’s there, the smile bright and charming. it warms his heart. “old asshole,” says sapnap, flicking him on the forehead. “and tall as fuck? pick a struggle.” 

“hey!” dream says indigently, playfully shoving him as sapnap chuckles. 

“anyway, he’s right, spare some height.” george says, tiptoeing but failing to reach his eye level. 

“can’t help that both of you are idiots and midgets, why don’t _both_ of you pick a struggle instead.” 

“rude, dreamwastaken.” sapnap scoffs and uses his online username. dream breathes a small sound of laughter. 

he’s never been more tired. he falls asleep on the deck, with sap’s hands in his hair. when he wakes the next morning, sapnap bids a soft hello. he doesn’t seem to have moved at all from when dream fell asleep in his lap. george is gone, off to college, or a job. dream apologises. sap tells him that it’s okay. 

“not that i have anything to do or anywhere to go,” the other mumbles. 

he thinks it’s more literal than metaphorical. he still doesn’t ask.

\--

sapnap and dream crash at george’s house when dream gets literally kicked out of his house for a day and sap finds him curled up beside the ocean. 

george hurries them in, cheery hellos from his mother. they all end up on his mattress. 

sap kicks his legs awkwardly. dream blinks at both boys. 

there’s a scramble for space on the bed, but dream ends up spooning george with sap’s arm strung around his waist. he buries his face into george’s brown curls. it tickles and brushes his cheeks in the right way. he feels sap’s hot breaths grace the skin on his neck, make goosebumps rise across his skin. he closes his eyes. none of them say anything. it’s okay. 

he likes it. he likes the way sap’s body is solid and stable and warm against his back, the way george grasps his wrist loosely. they’re real and here, and it feels like maybe they’ll never leave. (he hopes too much)

george’s hair smells of fresh leaves and sweat at the same time. he shifts his hand to weave it into the strands. he realises, finally, that he loves them. the insides of his eyelids feel too hot, too wet. he doesn’t wipe the tears that escape his eyelashes.

\--

he’s ensnared in the thorns of his heart, not knowing where the gardening pruners are. he wants to get out of the passion (love) that is a raging fire. 

when he looks back at george and sap, maybe, he thinks, maybe he wants to stay. 

he runs with the wind in his hair, tousling the strands, pulling onto george’s hand as their feet dip into the sand. he hops into the water, sap laughing delightedly underneath him, arms strung around his neck as they drop right into its depth. both times he wants to kiss them. 

both times he finally does. george seems surprised as he stares, lips parted slightly, a blush littering his cheeks. sap tilts his head up, eyes wide.

“i didn’t know you felt... this way,” george swallows, squeezing his hand, “i don’t... feel weird about it.” 

sap smiles lightly, the damn smile another that stops his breathing for a hot second. “i don’t regret that.”

dream spots sap lift george by his knees and back in a bridal carry, the older fast asleep in his arms as sap walks with him towards the direction of george’s house. he spots the softness in sapnap’s gaze which lingers around george’s face. he walks out to slide an arm around sap’s waist and takes george’s weight from the younger’s arms. sap pouts and whines about how he’s _‘fine carrying georgie on his own_ ’. 

“i don’t care,” dream laughs, “i just wanna carry george.”

“simp.” sapnap declares, leaning slightly on his body’s frame. they trudge slowly in the general direction. 

there’s a pause. sap’s eyelashes scatter the minimal light that falls upon them. 

george is solid in his arms and sapnap is a constant presence as they move. he loves them. 

the younger boy giggles when he presses a faint kiss to his head. dream doesn’t say the three words that sits at the back of his throat.

they settle george into his house, and leave. 

“where are you going?” dream asks, and the other shrugs.

“anywhere i can stay at, really.” 

“we’ll live together one day,” he says, surprising even himself, “all of us. you, me, george. we’ll go to the beach together.”

sap tilts his head in a half smile. “i hope. i can’t really contribute to the financial stuff.”

“right now, none of us can, but we will,” dream says strongly. “we will.”

sap links hands with his, his hand small in his. “i’d really like that.”

he pulls him in for a kiss, and he thinks everything is right in the world. 


End file.
